Friday, August 04, 2006

Escalation Ticket of Termination

My loyal readers,

Today, my services for both ComCast and FuStar Teleserives Inc. are no longer required. It is a sad end to a sad job.

Was there any dignity to the whole process at all, you ask?

Kent, my Floor Supervisor (FSU - the "U" stands for "FuStar University Alumnus") approached me and let me finish my call, before catching my eye, noting that I was in After Call Work (ACW), and saying with practiced sterness and humility, "Morton, I have a couple tickets for you to sign."

The first ticket (by which I mean an Intranet form that requires my and my FSU's electronic signatures to verify) was a coaching session for proper use of account adjustment codes. Apparently, I had incorrectly coded a credit for the technician being late on a repair visit, when he was really doing an upgrade (replacing a regular digital box for a DVR). The amount was correct, just not the code.

I will remember to use the proper adjustment codes when making adjustments to an account.

The second ticket was a written warning concerning my schedule compliance.

I will comply with my schedule by taking my breaks at the scheduled time for the day, and by not going over my allowed breaktime.

The third ticket was a one-day suspension for arguing with a customer. I listened to the call, and after the woman told me I was incapable of doing my job, I replied "Even if that is true, ma'am, the answer is still no. I will not fax you a copy of your statement, because there is no fax machine at this office."

I accept my one-day suspension and going forward I will not argue needlessly with customers nor reveal the limitations of the office.

The fourth ticket was a five-day suspension for lying to customers. I also listened to parts of this call. I remembered him. He was an old man with a sympatheic ear. The call lasted an hour. I got his Weather on Demand station working and the conversation progressed from global warming through George Bush, healthcare (because I'm Canadian, he was genuinely interested), atomic warfare, Adolf Hitler, the technocracic obsessions of Western society, and finally our favourite science fiction novels. I also revealed to him the problem that I was having with tripping through time. His reply has really helped. "Listen kid, it might all be in your head, but even if it's real, you'll be ok. At least something interesting is happening. Believe me, the past is really dull."

I accept my five-day suspension and going forward, I will not lie to customers nor make unecessary statements about my personal life while on a call.

And finally, I received my Escalation ticket of Termination. Kent again caught my gaze. "Morton, we're going to have to let you go, ok? Your ACW time is just too high, over two minutes per call. You know this is blatant call avoidance, right? Management feels that there is also enough justification to offer no severance."

I accept my termination. Per the EMPLOYEE/EMPLOYER contract Section 3 subsection 7, I understand that I will not be offered severance because I have breached the following signed agreements with my employer:

1) That I will not abuse call avoidance techniques such as ACW, AuxW and CML.

I will hand in my headset, my identification badge, and all other FuStar property and be escorted off of the premesis immediately.

Goodbye, my friends! Billy, I hope you raise enough money for that 9mm you wanted. BJ, I'll still want those seeds if you are willing to part with them. I might have to grow for the money.

Peace out,