Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Stoned and Alone

Pot can wreak havoc on any healthy fear and turn it into a sickly and twisted paranoia. And there is no greater paranoia than that which comes from introspect. I am stoned and alone, and I am afraid.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Ants have Invaded my Bomb Shelter

Although I do not feel absolutely safe in returning to the outside
world, the recent invasion of killer ants has forced me to the surface.
Things seem calm, the air is filled with an unnerving serenity. I keep
looking over my shoulder for the coming menace. The ants, meanwhile,
are attacking my survival rations.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Message From My Bomb Shelter

I had a dream that an airliner crashed on my street. I'm spending the
day in here until I feel it is safe to come out.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Going Call Centre

Gun nut Billy explained to me that going call centre was much like going postal, except that you don't wait until you're fired to start mowing down coworkers, but rather you take the gun with you to work everyday and wait for the perfect moment.

Think of it as premeditated instead of passionate. If you work in an inbound campaign, you know that sooner or later some asshole is going to phone in and rake you over the coals because you can't give him account credit for $700 in ppv porn purchases which his family "as God-fearing Baptists, couldn't possibly have made."

Never mind that this asshole has a 16-year-old son with an unhealthy attitude toward sex because of his upbringing and who never leaves his room. It's just not possible, now where's that account credit!?!

You transfer them to escalations and then your floor supervisor yells at you because that will "ruin the team's First-Call Resolution (FCR) quota," and you think to yourself, "If I had a pistol in my lunch bag right now, everyone within my line of sight would die."

Going call centre, then, requires preparation and patience.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Join the war against Mars: an impassioned plea from T.T. Willerson.

People of the free world! The communists are planning on destroying Mars themselves! We can't let this insult to our own greatness happen! You can help by enlisting in the Global Space Army, a private, global organization that pledges itself to destroying Mars first!

We have decided to hire a campaign consultant to raise money for this exorbitant quest. You can help in the hiring of this consultant by donating to:

The Global Space Army Foundation
45s0, 15w30
c/o T.T. Willerson

Saturday, May 28, 2005

No one will watch me blog.

Blog. a single player game.


Thursday, May 26, 2005

Death to Mars

Mars must be destroyed. It is for the greater good.