Friday, October 13, 2006

Haikus from the 400 series (and a limerick or two)

The wind must be drunk
Blowing all over the place
Bumping into me.

Al Gore grew a beard
To hide his eternal shame
Then he wrote a book.

Can you spare a ten?
Listerine sale at Shopper's
See you at the wharf.

God created Earth
Then he went on vacation
And never came back.

Transmission trouble
I have blamed my mechanic
But he blames my car.

My pants are dark blue
They cost me 30 dollars
They were sewn by slaves.

The calls did not end
They kept coming and coming
At midnight I cried.

Calling tech support
While I munch on slim jims
And crack my knuckles.

Stare at horizon
To rest my weary eyeballs
Screen flickers badly.

Free cable was grand
Till they caught me - Now I'm mad!
Commence venting - stat!

So much tart candy
I feel my lips puckering
Like old people lips.

Sharks swim very fast
Unfortunately, I can't
The Water is red.

There was this guy on the phone with a lisp
Who declared "ComCath sucth, you thupid bith!"
Then he slammed down the phone
And left the CSR all alone
To laugh at his physical disability

I tripped over the phone cord and into next week,
My girlfriend believes that I'm only a freak
My doctor's blue pills
Are always a thrill
The colors they cause when I'm taking a leak

Monday, October 09, 2006

Why? Let me tell you a story about Why

Why? Let me tell you a story about Why.

One day in the 1930s, a dude named Satre was having an espresso at some fancy-pants Paris cafe and was asking himself the same question.

"Why? Why am I here?"

Hearing no answer, Satre made a brilliant deduction. God does not exist. Then he wrote several long and boring philosophical tomes that said exactly the same thing in a more convoluted form. The following is an excerpt from one of his less coherent chapters:

Nah, just kidding. I wouldn't do that to you.