Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Supervisor Call

"Thanks for calling Comcast Cable, this is Morton speaking, how may I help you today?"

"I want to speak with your supervisor, RIGHT NOW!"

"Ok, I can certainly look into that for you; may I please start with your home phone number?"

"What business is that of yours? I asked for a fucking supervisor! GET ME ONE, NOW!!"

"Ok ma'am, I do apologize that you are having an issue with Comcast, may I place you on hold while I get my supervisor?"

"... what did you call me?"

"Ma'am?"

"No, just now, what did you just say to me?"

"May I place you on hold?"

"You called me a WHORE!!! How dare you speak to me like that young man! How DARE you call me a whore!"

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I didn't call you a ... uhhh ... well, I would never use that word. I'm sorry if you misheard me."

"Yes you did, you lying bastard! you called me a whore. You Comcast assholes are all the same! You have no respect - no respect at all!"

"May I place you on hold while I get my supervisor ma'am?"

To her husband "un-fucking-believable! He just called me a whore again!"

"No, I'm sorry ma'am, I really didn't. You have to believe me!"

"I've had it with you! Get your supervisor this instant!"

BEAT

"Thank you very much for holding ma'am, I'm Kent, a supervisor here at Comcast, you asked to speak with me?"

"Just one damn minute, you can talk to my husband!"

BEAT

"Hello?"

"Hello, sir. This is Kent speaking, how can I help you today?"

"Well first of all, I don't appreciate people calling my wife a whore!"

"I'm very sorry about that sir, I can assure you that we monitor and record every call for quality assurance purposes, and if a Comcast representative did indeed make inappropriate remarks, he will be reprimanded for it. I will open an investigation immediately."

Wife yelling in background "They're all a bunch of fucking drug pushers! I'll shoot every goddamned one of them!"

"Like I said sir, I will certainly look into whether inappropriate language was used by Morton during this call. In the meantime, is there something I can help you with?"

"Yeah, I've been getting crank calls, and I want them to stop!"

"I can certainly understand your frustration, sir. Have these calls been coming from Comcast?"

"What? No, no, crank calls from other people, I just want you to block them for me."

"Well sir, I'd be happy to help you with that, are we your local telephone provider?"

"Uhhh, well, I don't know. Doris! who's the phone company?"

"Bell South, idiot!"

"She says its Bell South, that's you right?"

"I'm afraid not, sir; Comcast does provide phone service but it appears that you have services with Bell South. Would you be interested in hearing about our digital phone service? For only one flat rate per month, you can call anywhere ..."

"No, not right now, we'll have to think about it."

"Very good sir, until then, I believe it would be in your best interest to contact Bell South and discuss your situation with them."

"Right."

"Is there anything else I can help you with in the meantime?"

"You're going to see about that whore business, right?"

"Absolutely, sir."

"Well, I guess that's about it, then."

"Very good sir, thank you for calling Comcast Cable, and you have a wonderful day!"

"Yeah, you too. Bye."

1 comments:

Spirophita said...

Jesus! Talk about UNglued! The beauty of customer service, eh?