Sunday, June 05, 2005

Going Call Centre

Gun nut Billy explained to me that going call centre was much like going postal, except that you don't wait until you're fired to start mowing down coworkers, but rather you take the gun with you to work everyday and wait for the perfect moment.

Think of it as premeditated instead of passionate. If you work in an inbound campaign, you know that sooner or later some asshole is going to phone in and rake you over the coals because you can't give him account credit for $700 in ppv porn purchases which his family "as God-fearing Baptists, couldn't possibly have made."

Never mind that this asshole has a 16-year-old son with an unhealthy attitude toward sex because of his upbringing and who never leaves his room. It's just not possible, now where's that account credit!?!

You transfer them to escalations and then your floor supervisor yells at you because that will "ruin the team's First-Call Resolution (FCR) quota," and you think to yourself, "If I had a pistol in my lunch bag right now, everyone within my line of sight would die."

Going call centre, then, requires preparation and patience.