A letter to Martha Stewart (Holiday)

Dear Martha Stewart (Holiday),

I was pleased as usual with your latest Halloween installment. If I had any artistic talent at all, your ideas would have been über cool. Instead, I'm going to smash, like, 40 pumpkins on my deck and tell kids that I was attacked by hobgoblins. What a terrible waste of food in a world of such unbalanced prosperity.

Yours in uncertainty,

Morton Milton, Esq.